I’ve done a lot of risky things. Put Call stock options training. Putting my fist up a stranger’s rectum. Butt putting my heart on the line of surrender? That feels like real risk to me.
I’m able, not ready and I never will be. I have to call it down DAILY. Because to put down pain is to let something die. I’m giving over the lie. Afraid to die am I.
My pain? It’s self-loathing, self-love. Suffering heedlessly I declare I’m OVER it.
I will never be ready for the hell I know that’s coming. I’m betting the farm I’ll be like a peaceful cow and cream correct in A NUDY FUTURE which I cannot do in the NOW — I cannot remain open boundaries and serve. I’m bad at this. YET…
…sorrow. Devotion to its witness is what I know.
…my authority is strange sexual #emodeath. I’ll find my strength in that. I’ll keep calling grace DOWN as my spirit pushes UP from the put downs no one gives NUDY to say to my face. So I listen. Leave I must…Again. All the small collateral I managed to muster the last three years. Gone. {reenter Void}
My Inciting Male Caller
I’m not linear. I’m NOW.
I’ve suffered enough with my past. I want NOW. intimacy I shared with a man over the PHONE last night was calm, strong, sexual, powerful, and I don’t even recognize myself. I feel like an adrift boat come to shore. He offered his help!
I accepted…help.
Now I KNOW I will always be okay. Because this is my Discovery ~ help is oxygen.
I tested my pain limit ’til I disappeared. Now I’m dropping out. Only hope I can survive the love. This mystery guy? It’s my first run at the Hu’Band dream I’ve richly desired. No boyfriends, no pro friends, no husbands. Top phallused dog?
The elusive Hu’Band.
If I could Madame, I would have. I’m wasted in mind. So I don’t.
I don’t have it in me to change this blog tonight. Whatever just happened, it’s so strange I don’t understand it. It shifted this female chest off its wet cosmic axis. I don’t care I don’t know yet, I hope you won’t either. Because…
Because my Sacred Cunt wants to receive. Love! May this Pussy General change a zillion times because online is NOT the life. The Presence is the Life ~
May I FAWK my heart open. May I ONLY lightly fuck it up.
Wasted Mind ~ Open Heart. I’m moving into a joyous pussy sorrow I can only witness. This Inciting Male, he anointed me just by listening. (Me, in open sex.) You won’t meet Inciting Male Caller ~ he’ll disappear into boring, ordinary Peace Friendship Park. After he makes himself available on Hot Howard Avenue by my sexual peace general’s request! I believe I heard he’s UP for it! aka NUDY art!
May we all survive the love ~
(((A)))
